i've been wondering, does anybody go on xanga anymore? if yes, please reply to this post . i know friendster's already getting old & boring, & everybody's switching to facebook or myspace.

but enough about boring blogs & webpages. onto my journey of life in university. it's my final year, & i think i'm really gonna miss it, almost everything about it. the clubnights, pulling all-nighters with my buddies for exams i haven't started studying for, playing cs at keith's res lol, hanging around friend's residences even though i don't live there. it got so bad, some ppl thought i actually lived there. then there's the buffet nights & checking hotties in class. now everybody's maturing, thinking about their future, jobs, stability etc. it wasn't like the good old days when chilling & having fun was on the top of everybody's mind. i really miss those days, and the end of university means the end of it . the line that so many older people have told me is so true, "once you turn 21, time starts to fly, and before you know it, you're 30." other says that "university is the fastest 4 years of your life, but also the best." i remember an older guy in my army unit say, "i was in my 20's. then i got married, had kids, then time went by, and before i knew it, i was 40. i say to myself, 'what the fuck happened?'" it really scares me that this is the harsh reality of life. life is short. but one thing that is even shorter is our youth. you're only young for a short while, so you must enjoy it while it lasts. all of my older friends tell me the same thing. "it's your last year of university. enjoy it as much as you can. goto parties. live it, because once you start job hunting & focusing on your career, it's all downhill from there." i'm probably at the short end of the stick when it comes to my youth, and before i know it, i'll be 30, and then 40. sometimes i look back and wish i enjoyed myself more in high school. i wish i was able to manage my time better when i was young, because i would have been able to do so much more. i wonder why i'm so eager to look back into my past. am i missing something? i know that i didn't have much of a childhood. i really missed out on many things when i was little, and up until recently, i've been working hard to make up for what i've missed. being a social outcast for most of your life, not knowing how to relate to other people can be kinda tough u kno. but at this point i think i've caught up to everybody else. not that it matters anyway. always having to fit in is hugely insecure. always having to worry about what others think of you. it's like a prison. i'm glad i don't live in that prison. to be truly free is to not have to worry about these things and just be yourself. the "just be yourself" thing has been said over & over, millions of times, and everybody knows this line by heart, but for some odd reason, time and time again, there are those that don't follow it.

now, coming back to life being short. i believe everyone must find something they love and someone they love. everyone needs a passion to drive them, something to believe in. if you don't believe in anything, you have no drive, no desire to fight for anything in your life, and most importantly, no purpose in life. i think many young people probably struggle with this thought. "what's the point? why am i alive?" to think of it, this is the blueprint, or script of a typical north american's life. you get born into a family. when you're young, you goto school so you can learn how to work when you grow up. when you grow up and finish school, you get a job and get married. then you have kids. you struggle through life to give your children the best possible nourishment and upbringing they can have, possibly the upbringing that you yourself missed when you were their age. your children goto school and begin their own cycle of life, while you watch as you begin to age and fade away. soon after you reach retirement age. having worked hard all your life, it's finally time for a nice break before it's all over. but to many, retirement is no break. some are neglected by their children who they tried so hard to bring up, and once they're on their own, they leave them in the ashes. many suffer from arthritis, degradation of their joints because they worked too hard in their life. then before you know it, your life begins to end. many will suffer from alzhiemers and live their last days confused and in despair. and then your life is over.

ugh i'm tired now, i'll continue my 2cents another day...